Speaking of Crazy...

Do you ever go to Wal-Mart and think, "Wow! I am totally entertained!"??? I have been treated to two fabulous Wal-Mart trips in three days.

Fabulous trip number one: It all happened on Saturday when Dave and I went to get some magnets for a school project. We were shopping and minding our own business (or bid-ness) when we hear:

Civilized Gentleman 1: I wasn't even talking to you. You talkin' to me? You got something to say? Run up and say it to my face!

Civilized Gentleman 2: I ain't sayin' S*&#!

Civilized Gentleman 1: Yeah you ain't. I'm gonna "mess" you up! They gonna be moppin' up your face. Now what?

Civilized Gentleman 2: I got something to say! (Flips the bird.)

Civilized Gentleman 1: Hey! Hey! (Talking about the guy's wife.) Take that fat cow back to the farm!

This went on and on. I felt like I was in Jr. High again. The crowd was circling. Did I hear someone chant "Fight! Fight!"? Luckily someone broke that up before I had to see any face mopping happening. (We never did see the fat cow. Totally bummed!)

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Fabulous Trip Number 2: This one took place tonight. I stopped to visit with a friend who was waiting in line at the pharmacy. This crazy old lady staggers up and says to my friend:

Crazy: Can you do me a favor? (Fanning out dollar bills.)

Friend: That depends what the favor is.

Crazy: There's a man waiting for me in the parking lot that I barely know and he's my ride home and can I get in line first? I hurt my knee really bad and I almost broke it so I need to get my stuff you know?

Friend: You're more than welcome to get in front of me, but I think it's really sad that a man you barely know is your ride home.

Crazy: No. He's not a stranger. He's a neighbor, but he's not the most, um, um, uh, he's not the most, um, uh,

Friend: Patient? (Becoming slightly impatient.)

Crazy: No. He's patient. He's just the neighbor that not everyone knows. He saw me comin' up here and he gave me a ride. That's the dad-god, gog-dad, goddess to hog, I can't even talk straight cause I'm in a hurry. It's the honest to God truth.

Friend: Whatever.

We go back to talking, and laughing totally loud about this exchange. Crazy pays for her "stuff" and then stuffs it in her shirt and briskly walks off. Now who's crazy? Morgan and I had to follow her to see if she really left. It was hard to keep up with her "almost broken knee" as she ran to the back to get her liquor before leaving. We get back from the store. Morgan says, "Dad, we stalked a crazy person at Wal-mart." Dave says, "Gretchen! What did you do now?" All I can say is "What the heck would you do in a situation like that???"